World beaters

Why can't we play all our tests on a damp, overcast May morning? Our bowling attack, regardless of how many off-form "talents" or slogging "journeymen" it includes, always looks world-beating in these sorts of conditions.

Shame we've scheduled the Ashes series next year for July, then.

For those who doubt, the actual reasons for the Ashes tests being later on in the year are not lost on me, and include:

1. Most Aussies want to get in a good couple of months of county cricket to play themselves in - I make no comment on whether that is a good thing or not, because it's impossible to do so without sounding massively partisan or tediously neutral. I'm neither.

2. The authorities want a better than English chance of being able to keep their gate receipts, rather than refunding the odd day due to a washout and thereby losing millions.

3. Other considerations dictate that the Tests must be associated with an unnecessarily long ODI series and a Twenty20 match that we will inevitably lose.